Letters I never sent 
Over the summer, we will be sharing with you several letters, the letters never sent. Some to total strangers, some to practitioners and some to friends and family. Some we will post anonymously and others will link to the author’s blog.
When my son cuddles another woman.
That time I sat 5 rows back at the school performance then my son caught my eye, there he was near the front while his school friends danced and clapped on stage. I saw my son sitting close to a class TA, touching her face just like he does to me, his arm comes up and drapes around her shoulders, she’s talking to him in hushed tones and smiling, reassuring him.
Then that sports day as he’s sitting on the grass bobbing up and down, flapping his hands and squealing, then he looks at his teacher and smiles one of those beautiful smiles that takes you miles away.
And even that time when his PA brought him home after an afternoon respite trip out and as she walks back down our path my son blows her a kiss.
I should feel jealous shouldn’t I? ! Those cuddles should be all mine and I suppose I am a little but really i smile, I feel happy to catch these moments and even relieved.
My son can’t speak, he can’t tell me his favourite TA or about the time teacher calmed him when he was anxious or the game his PA played that made him laugh, he can’t tell me if someone hurts him!
No. I have no choice but to trust these people with my special child, trust that they will learn his ways and know what his eye’s are saying.
So how do I know if they are treating him like he deserves well the answer is i don’t! Not until I catch that time he drapes his arm around another woman or gives one of those smiles then I know he’s OK.
So I feel relief flood through me, reassured In the fact that he trust’s them and love’s them.
I take his lead because he knows more than me.
So thank you to the ladies that care for my son, for making him feel special even when he’s not with me.
This post first appeared on Autism and Duanes Syndrome Awareness
If you have a letter you would like to share, one you never sent, then please email it to email@example.com and let us know if you wish it to remain anonymous or to link back to your own site.
Debs is one of the co-founders and Directors of Bringing Us Together. She is mum to three child with a variety of SEND and has a great husband.