Feeling anxious in the uncertainty
Feeling anxious in the uncertainty is a bit of an understatement right now but it’s the best way I can sum up these feelings I am hearing.
Right now a lot feels a little all over the place as well as inconsistent and a little too fast for me let alone my children. How then can we keep up when there are so many directions of change? So many different opinions and inconsistent policies and rules that aren’t congruent or consistent.
I’m not just talking about Covid guidelines and policy changes but also the financial concerns around social care which are very real and very huge right now. We as parent carers have to develop a thick skin and a resilience and bounce back that an elastic band can only inspire to become but sometimes we can be stretched thin.
I don’t mind saying out loud that I feel anxious in the uncertainty.
I am someone who likes edges because boundaries help me navigate life in the right direction or in a direction where I feel I can make decisions and feel like I know where i’m going, however right now I feel like i’m flailing in the dark a little and it isn’t working for me.
I know I can’t foresee the future, no one can but for me without edges there is so much uncertainty and uncertainty makes me feel anxious.
Feeling Anxious in the uncertainty doesn’t mean I have no power in this.
Feeling all of this burden and worry for my children’s future I can sense myself going down a rabbit hole at times and I know I need to start finding some new anchors and put my own edges in place.
Last week I decided to make some changes, small and subtle but they have made a difference in giving me some breathing space. Bottomline is I let go of the guilt for not celebrating like everyone else the milestones of Covid restrictions reducing and allowed myself to ease into new ways and subtle rule changes.
I’ve kept up to date with social care information but mindfully recognised where in my gut that sits and soothe the frustration that is usually there. I’m mindful also that not everyone understands my children and judgements and criticism from other parents is not a true reflection of me because they do not live my life or really understand.
Now whilst i’m sharing what I have done and what has helped me; these actions are personal to me and fit in with my life and I appreciate this doesn’t work for everyone so this isn’t advice; just helpful tips that work for me.
- I looked at what routines worked in lock down and could work during the foreseeable future and the ones which I had to let go of. A spring clean for routines.
- I cleaned house. I threw things out, I made space, I changed things around and added some colour and put new happy photographs up.
- I took time out from reading the news occasionally, I like to stay on top of things but actually it’s been confusing me as much as informing me.
- Stayed connected with my network and made sure that I had a positive flow in my life to balance out the worried input.
- I have changed some habits with my diet, it sounds daft but I wanted to become more body confident with health and immunity and feel like an active part in keeping myself and my family well. My children are a little slower on this as an idea but it’s a work in process.
- Accept my ‘not okay’ days and embrace myself as I am in that moment but to know that these feelings are temporary.
- I reach out much more than I did before. I need to remember that I don’t need to reinvent the wheel because there is already so much lived experience and wisdom to tap into.
The main thing for me was to sit and recognise that I don’t need to have all the answers right now for my family especially as the waves of change keep coming, and give myself permission to not feel okay and to continue to do what I feel is safe.
I know that we all have different feelings in this strange time and we may not understand why someone isn’t thrilled about the restrictions being lifted or why someone is thrilled and all in between.
Right now I think it’s important to practice respect and kindness and take sometime to try and understand. No one in my family needs shielding and I feel grateful for that but that also doesn’t mean I am not filled with apprehension and caution and I just need some time to help navigate my family through a very uncertain time.
Thank you for reading