Letters I never sent [09]

We have been sharing letters from parents and practitioners over the summer.  The letters we never wrote or perhaps we drafted them but never sent them.

Some of the posts have been anon and some not.  Today’s post is one many parents will feel able relate to.  It is anonymous and I am sure you will appreciate why once you have read it.

Dear LD Social Worker

The Letter I never sent, dear social workerSitting on the floor in the kitchen sobbing, I began to reach out to you..that learning disabilities social worker.

I want you to understand that having a 24 year old who is too challenging and complex for respite as she is considered too dangerous for paid staff and other “service users” is heartbreaking

You are a mum…I know this because you take your extended holidays to coincide with term time.

I want to write to you and your many line managers to say to my family there is no term time; no day no night differences,  just a single parent drowning in exhaustion who has become physically disabled because of numerous assaults by my child.

I will write to you to say much as I love my child, I am too physically and mentally exhausted to continue.

Except I won’t write..you are on leave having hopefully having fun with your non send kids.  When you return you will presume I am the awkward parent who was 2 hours away from cancelling an operation because you and your managers presumed that your fancy circles of support diagrams must be missing someone, because in my child’s card plan not only am I the main carer but also the contingency support.

So I sit on the floor weeping and deciding how long I can be in this eternal chaos should I write and tell you I have lost a marriage? A home? A career?  Because of the constant never ending screaming and needing me for 150 hours a week?

Or should I pretend that you care whilst I crumble?

Over to you

What advice would you give this mum?  Have you been in a similar situation and found help?  What worked for you?

Do you have a letter you have always wanted to send but never have?  Be it to a practitioner, a member of the family, your neighbour or anyone?  It can be a positive letter saying thank you, or a heart felt plea for help.

If so, send them to debs@bringingustogether.org.uk and I will be happy to share on your behalf.  Just let me know if you wish it to be anonymous or not.


BuT Site Admin

Debs is one of the co-founders and Directors of Bringing Us Together. She is mum to three child with a variety of SEND and has a great husband.

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