This is me and I am not that parent.
I am not that parent…
I am not that parent; you know, the one’s who look calm, organised, in control as they ease into and out of their day. I am not even sure they exist but on the surface they do.
That moment when I know I have to organise the following day brings anxiety on; maybe because I have to organise 3 children, myself and the home.
So the night before when there is homework to battle through, uniforms and P.E kits to locate whilst refereeing sibling gladiatorial wars over the remote control, the rightful owner of a toy or the x-box or just the general unfairness of having to share anything.
The stress and the anxiety begins to peak as the noise does.
I am not that parent who can access all the internal resources to manage daily problems and challenges but I am that parent who shows up and keeps trying doing the best I have with what I can give at the time.
I never thought I’d stand at the oven stirring baked beans trying to hide the tears from my youngest who tugs at my leggings; reminding me that I haven’t made any effort to properly get dressed today.
Or be that parent who would open a kitchen cupboard just so I could hide my emotions and mouth a silent scream to the glasses at the back. I never thought I’d be that parent who had to take so many trips to the doctors and to hospitals whilst remotely managing life on the go.
I never thought I’d the the parent who’d click and collect, encourage time on devices so I could calm the noise or be so exhausted on the school run that wearing a left and right shoe that matched was pretty much a secured win.
I am not that parent with a neat diary of appointments and socials; I have scribbles from missed, double booked and forgotten appointments and sometimes I just can’t face even time with my friends.
I look at other mums who seem to have their lives together and wonder if that’s true? I wonder if they have? But their life is not the life I am living and the truth is that I love my children, I do my best, I show up and I work it out and I come through every time.
I am that parent
I am that parent who doesn’t get dinner made on time, who thinks she can spin every plate, juggle every ball and still zoom around at 100 miles an hour. I am that parent who’s house isn’t tidy, who’s fridge hides just enough greens in the veg draw to pass inspection and who’s laundry basket indicates several other people living in the house that we have yet to identify.
I am a parent of children not afraid to get mucky, who run up throw their arms around me and say they love me. I have children who accept, include, explore, create and inspire and are simply amazing.
Parenting a child or children with additional needs can sometimes bring us into dark places of grief, loss, guilt but also growth. I do feel blessed that my little tribe help me shine such a bright light of hope around us all and remind me that a colourful rainbow family is a beautiful family to be in. I am that parent who sees that.
I am not a perfect parent but I am an evolving one and I’m working it out a little more every day. That’s the kind of parent I am.